7 Things Your Muslim Wife Won’t Tell You


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Last week I wrote an article entitled “7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You.”

I thought I was gonna get a lot of complaints about that one, but so far, everyone seems to enjoy it.

Well, if the last article didn’t upset you, perhaps this one will. Actually, I don’t want to upset you. But I do want you to think about things that may not normally cross your mind.

Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years.

One minute she’s perfectly fine. The next, she’s crying like a baby.

She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied.

After several years of marriage (and counselling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.

With this information in mind, I’ve put together a quick list of things Muslim men should be aware of when it comes to their wife’s mind.

1. Above All, She Wants Your Love

This harkens back to a post I wrote a couple of months ago called “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”

In this article I explained that men desire respect from their wives, and women desire love from their husbands.

When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.

And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.

And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.

That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.

And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.

2. She’s Bored

It’s the same thing every day.

Week in and week out.

Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.

She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.

Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.

And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.

So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.

Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.

Just do something every now and then to break the monotany.

3. She Wants to Be Complimented


Everybody wants it.

No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.

Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals.

But she does.

And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:

Working or going to school.
Caring for the kids.
Striving to be a better Muslimah.
Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family.

A simple “thank you” is a good start.

4. She’s Insanely Jealous

There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy.

Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife.

I mentioned this in my book “Sex and Islam.” Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman.

Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
Don’t compare her to your mother.
Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)
She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.

Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.

Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.

5. She Wants You to Help Her Become A Better Muslimah

If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to watch this video I did a couple of weeks ago for Muslim men. In this video I stress the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.

And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.

Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).

Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?

But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.

6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard

It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.

Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.”

Sahih Bukhari

So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.

But very often, you Brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.

Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.

Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.

Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.

Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.

7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You

Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.

They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.

Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.

The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.

Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.
Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.
See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?

24 thoughts on “7 Things Your Muslim Wife Won’t Tell You

  1. Pingback: 7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You | Islamic Reflections

  2. :) I enjoyed reading this. Was referred to me by a friend :)

    BUT … I am wondering why this is limited to Muslim wives. I can understand that your blog is about Islamic way of life. But why why why but it in the boundary of muslim wife?
    A wife is a wife … a woman. no matter what faith.
    Any wife will feel all those you have written. Any wife wants to be loved :)
    Any wife wants break from work and work.
    Any wife would love compliments and would want their husbands to understand what they feel without putting it into too many words :D
    And any wife would be jealous of other women … I totally cannot agree for a second wife … I would feel so betrayed :)

    And know what, I am a muslim wife and tell my huband squre in the face if I think he is cheating on me :lol:

    I hope I’m welcome on your site.
    I just read your about page and it very cheekily says not welcome for ”mischief” makers :)

    • I agree with you… Not restricted only to Muslims. However the author did put the title as such. And I again agree with you… I would have some problems with more than one wife. But it is a right for the men determined by the Most Merciful Allah(swt) and providing that they treat all wives equally. And the wife if she endures can earn great rewards. However a wife can opt out This is a long issue and maybe we can discuss another time. You are very, very , very welcome here:) It is a pleasure to welcome you

  3. Pingback: for me and for u (: « LiverpoolLadySyaz’s Blog

  4. Please do email more about beauty of muslim.. I really grateful to be a muslimah. Insya’allah one day i will bring the joy with my future husband till the end of our paradise.Ameen

  5. Come on, these arent just for muslim women.. these are for all the women in the world who deserve to be loved. If u want attention and more likes u better change ur tittle. I may b a muslim wife but i am no different with other wives! Wearing hijab doesnt make any woman a saint! Period!

  6. Its very nice words but the problem that u talk from the lady point of view and this is not fair. U must also make an article also for what the husband need from his wife. See my wife she is one who send me this article because ladies always like what will be against the man but what they must do they don’t care.


  8. Hi,
    I really like your article a lot, but I believe that this is about every woman no matter which religion she follows ….
    About love and respect, I like both .
    When you feel love you give respect to that person …. After God, he become the center of your Universe…. I love and I respect at the same time and I expect the same from him.

    When you are with the person that you love, you never get bored.

    I am the more selfish person when I love someone… I don’t share him with anybody, cause I give myself completely to him …. Yes I become very jealous if he sees any other woman …. Cause I don’t see any other man…

    Compliments should be mutual.

    I want him to guide me more than with words, with his example to the path of true…. To get close with God…. A marriage is a triangle God is on top and husband and wife are on the other side corners…. The closer they get to God , the closer they get ….

    Thanks a lot for sharing this good things to everyone ….

  9. Yes indeed, all true – and this is about any wife, “muslim” does not need to be in the title. Human nature is always the same.

  10. Good sharing. For those who are not muslim, you still can use it for better family.
    Why this guide special for muslim?
    Because, a good muslim will seek the better for his family. :)

  11. i believe the author is using muslim as he quotes most of his writing from the teaching of Islam. i agree that humanity has specific characters known to them but please understand that islam is a compelete way of life guiding Muslims aspect in everything. I loved the articles!

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